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Guest stuartthesmith

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Guest stuartthesmith

What do you get when you cross a foster anvil with a brooks anvil? an anvil in a drunken stupor, a "foster brooks" anvil!

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Made me smile.:D

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Nice :lol:

 

 

 

For all ya'll like me who are too young (I won't say "who aren't old") to get this, I found this video of Foster Brooks. Video

 

 

 

(sorry, I ca't convince it to embed, and I need to go, maybe I can fix it later)

Edited by Stephen Stumbo

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i vote to salvage this as a terrible joke thread.

 

what's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

 

anyone can roast beef. who do you know that can pee soup?

 

 

/endpun

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and now because im not a very nice person.

 

man: knock knock

woman: who's there?

man: younida

woman: younida who?

man: YOUNIDA GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN AND MAKE ME A SANDWICH!!!!!!!!!

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You know the difference between Ham and Eggs?

 

 

 

Committment.

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so this tom cat is strolling along in an alley

and he sees his girlfriend making out with another tom!

you know what he says?

 

meow.

what the hell else would he say? he's a cat.

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an old couple is relaxing one day and the man asks his wife

 

"now honey, we've been together a long time. can you tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time?"

 

his wife thinks for a while about it and says

 

"yeah, i think i can."

 

"go for it hon"

 

"out of all your friends, you're the best in bed"

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i went into the doctor the other day and he told me

 

"casey, i'm going to advise you stop masturbating"

 

"but why doc!?"

 

"because i'm trying to examine you"

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Old blacksmiths never retire.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They just quit using their Peter Wright...

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The pig died for the meal. The chicken didn't...

 

Took me a minute to figure it out too :unsure:

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Terrible jokes?! Man, are you guys in for it!

 

-----

 

Two cannibals are eating a clown.

 

One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

 

------

 

What's invisible and smells like carrots?

 

Bunny farts.

 

-----

 

What do you call someone else's cheese?

 

Nacho cheese!

 

-----

 

What do you call bears with no ears?

 

"Buh." (i.e. 'B')

 

---

 

Two blondes are walking on opposite sides of the river.

 

One yells to the other: "How do you get to the other side?"

 

The other replies: "You ARE on the other side!"

 

----

 

I really could keep going. Those are just the groaners I know. For some reason I have an uncanny memory for jokes. I wish I was as good at making blades as I am at remembering jokes.

 

Grins,

 

Dave

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I run into Captain Hook in a bar....

Hey Mate , I raise my mug.

Argggggg says he

 

Don't mean to pry but what happen to your leg?

 

Argggg says the captain I fell over board and a shark come up and bit me leg clean off...

 

Jezze that's terrible ,I notice your hook ... How'd that happen?

 

Argggg says he , was bordin a ship and a guy come down with an axe and chopped me hand clean off ...

 

Wow you have had some bad luck , how bout the patch on you eye?

 

Argggg says the Captian... a seagull s**t in my eye..

 

S**T in you eye? I don't understand . How'd you lose your eye from seagull S**t?

 

Argggg was me first day with the hook....

 

Dick

 

I liked yours the best so far Alan

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What is the difference between booggers and broccoli?

 

 

Kids won't eat broccoli.

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True story-Happened last week in our corporate office in Chicago. Our receptionist saw it all on the camera from the front entrance to her computer.

 

Two blonds walk into our foyer. Sign next to phone says "Dial #25 for receptionist.

One blond pulls out her cell phone and dials 25.

After a few minutes the second blond rolls her eyes at the first and then pulls out her cell phone and dials 25.

 

A few more minutes pass they look at each other then leave.

 

Told this story to my wife ( a blond) but left out the blond part. (Hey I am not stupid)

 

She's the the one that added-"Those girls where blonds weren't they" :lol:

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so two muffins are sitting in an oven, and one says to the other

 

"wow... it's so hot in here"

 

to which the second replies

 

"OMYGOD! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

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A pirate walks into a bar with a wheel on his belt. He goes over to the bartender, who frowns and asks him, "If I may ask, why is there a steering wheel on attached to your pants?" To which the pirate replies

"Yarr, it's driving me nuts."

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A bit of a nerdy one:

 

The bartender replies "I'm sorry, we don't serve particles faster than light."

 

A neutrino walks into a bar.

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