Thought fer the day, / add yours if you like

[Clifford Brewer 249]

Dom t confuse my personality with my attitude.

My personality is who I am.

My attitude depends on who you are..............................

 

[Zeb Camper 508]

Liquor's quicker.

[Alex Middleton 158]

But wine is divine.

[Brian Dougherty 538]

I am but an ameoba in the scum pond of life.

-BCD ca 1993

[Zeb Camper 508]

A relative of mine once said:

"If you walk a mile in my shoes, you might end up at the bar."

[Vern Wimmer 468]

7 minutes ago, Zeb Camper said:

A relative of mine once said:

"If you walk a mile in my shoes, you might end up at the bar."

And one of mine said,

"Be careful that no one steps on your fingers as you're leaving"

[Charles du Preez 306]

7 hours ago, Zeb Camper said:

A relative of mine once said:

"If you walk a mile in my shoes, you might end up at the bar."

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes. - Jack Handey

[Alex Middleton 158]

Beware of following the masses, sometimes the "m" is silent.

[Zeb Camper 508]

 Following kids around singing "can't touch this" by MC hammer can count as babysitting.

[Clifford Brewer 249]

  When  the chips are down, the buffalo is empty......

[Vern Wimmer 468]

A friend of mine once said,

"It's not how many times you fall that counts, it's how many times you get back up." 

I was impressed.

 

The cop giving him the field sobriety test wasn't 

[Joshua States 803]

A friend of mine once said: 

The three dumbest things I ever did in my whole life, I did with Josh. Surprisingly enough, they don't even make Josh's top ten.

[Charles du Preez 306]

In alcohol’s defence, I’ve done some pretty stupid s#!t while sober too.

[Alan Longmire 1,531]

Found on the internet this very day:

Don't know the kid or the story, but hey, it fits!

[Clifford Brewer 249]

I need to get a shirt like that fer my grand son, he managed to snap his left fore arm bones behind his wrist in a dirt bike crash

this past Friday, it hurts to look at the pics of it........................

Edited August 7, 2018 by Clifford Brewer

[Clifford Brewer 249]

 

 

There is a medical distinction between “Guts” and “Balls”.

We've heard colleagues referring to people with “Guts”, or with “Balls”.

Do they, however, know the difference between them?

Here’s the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295.

GUTS - Is arriving home late, after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the “Guts” to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying off somewhere?” 

 

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and having the “Balls” to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'  

 

I trust this clears up any confusion.

Medically speaking, there is no difference in outcome; both are fatal.

Edited August 7, 2018 by Clifford Brewer

[Vern Wimmer 468]

Remember "Women who carry a "few extra pounds" live longer

 

 

 

 

Than husbands who mention it.

[Clifford Brewer 249]

On 8/5/2018 at 11:35 PM, Charles du Preez said:

In alcohol’s defence, I’ve done some pretty stupid s#!t while sober too.

Been there done that !!!...........

[Gary Mulkey 810]

You've got  to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might end up someplace else.

Edited August 8, 2018 by Gary Mulkey

[Clifford Brewer 249]

Of many things, a lot I may or may not know ..........

But,  know enough of some things, to be dangerous,  I am.................

Edited August 9, 2018 by Clifford Brewer

[Clifford Brewer 249]

If one chooses to do things slowly it can be both a good or a bad way to do it.

If one chooses to do things fast it can also be a good or bad way to do it

But, If one chooses to do things half fast one will fall far short of any great deeds in life............

 

( I know its an old one but it still makes me crack a smile ).........

Edited August 9, 2018 by Clifford Brewer

[Clifford Brewer 249]

HELL EXPLAINED

BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.



The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :



Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?



Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.



One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate

at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely.. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world
today.


Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these
religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as
they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.



This gives two possibilities:


1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until

all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is thereby herefore, extinct..... ....leaving only Heaven, proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'


THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

---

[Bruno 46]

LoL 

[Conner Michaux 99]

I wonder how that thought entered the students head..

[Alan Longmire 1,531]

That joke was old back when I took chemistry in the 80s...

And please don't use big fonts, it screws with my phone for some reason.